The Perimenopause Transition ~ what to expect and how to support yours

Most people have heard about the symptoms commonly associated with (peri)menopause:

Hot flashes. Weight gain. Insomnia. Aching joints. Mood swings. Depression.

But did you know about the powerful shifts and transformative processes going on in your system as you move through this stage of life?

In my opinion, it’s never too early to learn about the perimenopause transition. Because when you understand what happens on a physical, emotional, mental and soul level, you can navigate this initiation into the second half of your life with (more) ease! :-)

Definition

Let’s start with a couple of definitions, so we’re all on the same page:

Pre-Menopause: Your fertile years, from the first bleed until you experience the first shifts in your mid-30s.
Peri-Menopause: The time of big changes, not just physical, but also on an emotional and psychological level.
Menopause: The exact point in time when you haven’t had a period or spotting for 365 consecutive days (only determinable in retrospect).
Post-Menopause: The time from the 366th day without a period or spotting.

By the way, the syllable “meno” has the same root as “mens” (as in “mens-truation”) and simply means “moon”. So in your fertile years, you have a regular “moon time”, before transitioning into the “moon pause”. Isn’t it beautiful and relieving to be reminded that you are part of nature?

For many womb-bearers, it is a time when they transition back to the moon’s cycle as their primary cycle to track their rhythms by.

Physical Changes

A note in advance:

The physical changes of perimenopause don’t necessarily happen first! So even when your menstrual cycle is still regular and healthy, you may already be experiencing the first shifts on an emotional, psychological or spiritual/soul level, as you will see below!

Production of sex hormones

On a physical level, the main focus of the perimenopause transition is shifting your sex hormone production from your ovaries to the adrenals (two glands sitting on top of your kidneys).

In your fertile years, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are produced by your ovaries. In the future, your body will need a much smaller dosage, so your adrenals can take over.

Which means that instead of communicating with your ovaries (via hormones), your brain now has to create new neural pathways to ensure it will communicate with your adrenals. This rewiring process requires some effort, so it’s only natural your brain can’t work at full capacity like before. Brain fog and forgetfulness might be the result.

But don’t worry, this is not the beginning of dementia, just a temporary state of flux until the rewiring is complete! :-)

The stress factor

The reason why symptoms commonly associated with perimenopause occur, is because the ratio between estrogen and progesterone gets out of balance. To a degree, that’s expected to happen, as both hormones decrease, but not always in the same proportion (until post-menopause when they’re usually back in their ratio, just at a smaller level altogether).

The main reason for things to get out of balance is stress, by which I mean physical stress (toxins, cardio etc.), emotional stress (unprocessed, difficult emotions), psychological stress (to-do lists, beliefs around perimenopause and ageing) and/or soul stress (e.g. feelings of loneliness).

This creates an imbalance, because your adrenals’ main job is to produce stress hormones to keep you alive. But when they’re busy producing those, it’s much harder to take over sex hormone production on top of that.

Plus, stress hormones are made from progesterone. So while your progesterone levels are naturally decreasing, your adrenals will use up the little progesterone left in order to produce cortisol, if you don’t make sure to have phases of deep relaxation in your day-to-day, too.

Physical Support strategies

The “stress factor” makes it clear why adrenal support is key, in perimenopause especially! That means doubling down on relaxation techniques like vagus nerve stimulation, gentle stretching and nature walks, but also making sure you’re adequately supported on a mental and emotional level as well.

Apart from that, tending to your liver health through an anti-inflammatory diet and detox (e.g. lymphatic drainage work) are important to support your hormonal system.

And strengthening your body through (light) weight-training will support muscle mass and increase your metabolic rate (which helps counterbalance weight gain) as well as help you FEEL strong from the inside out, giving your mental health a little boost!

Emotional Changes

When it comes to difficult emotions and traumatic experiences, if unprocessed, your body and nervous system store them until you have the space, capacity and willingness to process them properly – no matter how long that takes!

In our fertile years we usually have enough energy to keep some things stuffed down, that we don’t want to deal with.

In perimenopause, however, our whole system is busy with all these shifts and changes, so there’s less energy left over to keep things under our metaphorical carpet. When they bubble up, you might feel more vulnerable and prone to mood swings.

But remember: This is also an opportunity to work through the old baggage and/or release what’s no longer supportive!

Emotional Support strategies

In terms of your emotional experience, it is important to know that e-motions are energy-in-motion – they need to flow, through and out.

When you stuff them down, they get stuck in your system, creating blocks, separation or even numbness. So the goal is to FEEL them, in order to release them. To give them expression, in whatever way works for you.

Rage can be expressed through pillow-punching or screaming at trees. Sadness can be expressed through a good-old snot-cry. Creating art can be a wonderful outlet to give expression to things you can’t put into words.

Look for what you weren’t allowed to do to express your emotions in the past, and find a way to do just that, which is safe for others and yourself!

The focus lies on experiencing the physical sensation, though, to avoid going into story (“why is this happening?”). When you stay with the sensation alone, following where it lives in your body, what shape or size it has, if it has a movement, what that sensation wants to have happen, the emotional charge itself is usually going to pass after a couple of minutes.

I know first-hand that this process can be difficult, uncomfortable, even painful – and it’s okay to get yourself support around this! Many emotional scars were inflicted with/by another person, so being witnessed in your difficult emotion AND being held gently and safely can be enormously healing on the nervous system!

Psychological Changes

On a mental-psychological level, it’s paramount to uncover unconscious beliefs you hold, because they often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your brain tries to find evidence for any messages you have received about perimenopause and “older women” from your family, the media and our patriarchal-capitalist society at large.

(This is true both for women and people socialised/perceived as woman, even when they have a different gender, because the influence of our childhood upbringing runs so deep!)

So it’s important to discover the beliefs you hold about (peri)menopause as they influence your experience of this transition and how you move through it.

Note: As you may see, none of these changes happen in isolation, the different levels influence each other. Beliefs (psychological) influence how you feel about yourself and the world (emotional) and lead to a certain body posture or physical expression, which in turn can influence the mobility and health of different body parts (physical) or show up as symptoms associated with perimenopause.

Psychological Support strategies

This means on a psychological level it’s important to start looking at which beliefs you hold, where they come from and if they're really truly yours.

Think about what stories you’ve heard about (peri)menopause and “older women”, both on a personal level (from mother, grandmother, aunts, friends, …) and on a societal level (the media, advertising and film industry).

Observe the thoughts you have and sift through them: Which are truly yours, which come from family or society? And which of them do you want to keep, because they’re supportive, and which do you want to release, because they’re not? (You could write them on a piece of paper and burn it, as a physical outward act of releasing).

Examine how you talk with yourself, especially if you experience symptoms: Do you speak with yourself in a loving, compassionate, encouraging tone? Or do you dismiss yourself and your experience, beat yourself up about “having done something wrong” or even “deserving to suffer”?

Be loving with yourself and your changing body as much as you can!

Spiritual/Soul-level Changes

The archetype connected with the autumn phase (both in a menstrual/moon cycle and life cycle) is that of the Sovereign, the Mage. It’s the person who knows themselves, knows their strengths and weaknesses, knows their needs and desires and what they’re here for.

Following the spring phase of life (youth) where you went out to explore the world, and the summer phase of life (parenthood), where you made your mark (that can mean giving birth to children, doing meaningful work as a business owner, bringing your passions to life through creative expression etc.), you now turn inward again and become the person who says “I know who I am (kind of) and THIS is what I’m no longer available for!”

After caring for others and the world (often to the degree of people-pleasing), it’s finally time to prioritise and care for yourself, i.e. “setting your boundaries”, because YOU are important, too!

It’s a natural autumn-theme that also comes up in the luteal/inner autumn phase of the menstrual cycle – and since everything is interconnected and perimenopause is the autumn phase of your life, it’s a very natural and expected phenomenon :-).

The other important theme of this phase of life is connection, or belonging.

It’s about connecting with yourself, but more importantly, connecting to something greater than you. This eternally loving force in the Universe – whether you call it God, Goddess, Universe, Source, Angels or something else entirely. A presence that is unconditionally loving and always ready to conspire FOR you, if you’re willing to let it in.

Spiritual/Soul-level Support strategies

This phase of life is about getting to know yourself even more deeply, understanding who you are, what works for you and what you’re no longer willing to compromise, so you can engage with the world around you to create win-win-situations as you stay true to yourself.

Explore the person you want to become in the second half of your life: What do you need in order to feel nourished and supported? What feeds your soul and how can you include more of that into your day-to-day on purpose?

Your needs and desires are important, too, and it’s time to prioritise them, explore your sacred Yes and No (and the Maybe). What is it you want to say Yes to? What is it you need to say No to, because it doesn’t or no longer works FOR you?

Many women and womb-bearers report flashes of anger during this phase, and it makes total sense, because anger is about disrespected boundaries. On top of that, anger is a hot emotion, so no wonder they often experience hot flashes – it’s almost like the body is burning away what’s no longer helpful ;-).

To move through this phase more easefully, it’s immensely helpful to connect with Nature. To explore the rhythms that live around, in and through you, because they help you realise that you’re part of Nature, and therefore, not alone! You belong and have your place in the grand web of Life!

When you know in your heart-of-hearts that there’s something bigger than you that you can rely on, it’ll help you feel less alone, calming your nervous system (the key thing in perimenopause, if you remember). It helps you feel that you have a place you belong – to yourself, to your body, to a loving force that’s holding you. And you finally know “Whatever life presents me with, I’ve somehow got this!”

Closing Thoughts

As you see, there’s a lot going on during this initiatory transition and the physical changes are often the LAST to be noticed. That’s because astrological phenomena (“planetary midlife transits”) occur between the age of 35 through 50. They are your nudge and invitation to engage with the inner and outer shifts and live your life more and more true to YOU!

And I believe we can't prepare for perimenopause early enough!

When we know what's going to happen beforehand, we can start prepping on all levels, like processing emotions and situations early on, looking at our beliefs, understanding the importance of rest to balance stress/action, reducing toxins etc.

It means we're less surprised, less overwhelmed and can be more compassionate and gentle with ourselves, when we see the first signs of perimenopause, whether they’re physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual. This reduces stress and makes EVERYTHING easier!

Lastly, if you happen to be a menstruating person, you go through the autumn (= luteal and pre-menstrual) phase once every month, experiencing the same energies I described above in a smaller way – so charting your cycle becomes the perfect training ground for perimenopause :-)

Because then you're creating your support toolkit cycle by cycle, understanding what works for you and what doesn’t in that phase, and have it all ready when shit hits the fan in midlife ;-)

Plus, you’ll know who and when to ask for what kind of support! We’re not isolated beings, but a community-based species and no one should go through this alone!

In fact, millions of people have moved through this transition before you (though I admit they’ve probably had lower and non-permanent stress levels and a lower toxic load), so you can trust that your body knows how to do this!

If you want further information or support on any of this~ get in touch with Lisa!

Lisa Jara (she/her) is a feminist writer, womb health practitioner and guide to embodied cyclical and seasonal living. As a trusted confidante, she offers natural, (w)holistic menstrual & perimenopausal health and emotional care for women and queer menstruators through all seasons of life – and the transitions in between!

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